The theme for this was “Workplace drama.” When I first wrote it, the piece came in at 600 words and I needed to hack off 150 of them to fit the rules. I’m tempted to put it back to the way it was originally, but I didn’t save that version.
Again! It happened again! What the hell is wrong with people? Third time this week someone ate my lunch. What kind of coworker would do that? That’s it! Tomorrow is the last time. Anyone who takes my next sandwich is in for a surprise. Tuna and cheese on wheat. Lettuce, tomato, and the rest of my Coumadin prescription crushed up into it. Steal away!
There’s Carol typing away at her computer. Little whore is probably surfing Ashley Madison again. Sure Carol. You just look at the guy’s profiles for a laugh.We all believe that.
Another twat in an office full of twats. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the one who’s been doing it. Fat prick is always stealing candy bars out of Cindy’s school drive collection box. Yeah, walk away asshole.
And what the hell is up with Cindy anyway. How many kids does that woman have? Every month she’s bringing in something different for us buy to support something. Band this — Junior prom that — blah blah. Send your kids out in front of Walmart like everyone else.
“Yes, Mr. Reynolds?”
“Did you finish that invoice stack yet?”
Say thank you dipshit. If you didn’t hold onto them all month we wouldn’t have this problem.
That’s right. Everybody look busy when the phone rings. Don’t worry, Pam will get it.
“Townsend and McDermott, can I help you?”
“Hi, Jane. What does my wonderful daughter need?”
“What makes you think I need anything?”
“You only bug me at work when you want something.”
“Just a signature for permission to go on the school ski weekend. I stopped by the office on my way home from school but I didn’t see you.”
“Yeah, I had a meeting. Why doesn’t your father sign it?”
”He had to go out of town. I’ve been trying to meet up with you but we keep missing each other.”
“His one week of the month with you? Asshole.”
“Don’t be like that. Rebecca is here but she doesn’t feel comfortable signing it for me.”
She better not, that homewrecking slut.
“Mom, just print a copy off the school website. I’ll stop by again tomorrow and pick it up.”
“Love you too sweety.”
Will this man ever shut up? Two-hour meeting. Nobody cares fuckface go back to your own country. I wonder if my thief is in here or out there already eating it. End this damn meeting! I want to check my special sandwich.
“Jane stopped by and grabbed something off your desk.”
“I think she took your lunch too. You should feed her more, She’s been doing that all week.”Follow @Andrew_Heister